Je Pars

My first morning in Rennes, I hear the maids changing the beds next door. I'm booking, reserving, researching, and panicking. Hostels are filling up. I need to book like three things today. Wifi's more valuable than money, so I'm gonna wait until they knock.

But wait! When she arrrives, how do I say, "Go ahead, I'm leaving."?

I feel the need to know! Yes, Paul can be a functioning human bring who can communicate in this society, right? Anything beats awkward silence from "another uncultured American."

So as I book the hostel I'm staying at in a couple of weeks from now in Germany, I switch to Google Translator and type, "I'm leaving."

"Je pars" it responds, like a wise Frenchman.

If YouTube taught me one thing, it's that squirrels are funny creatures. But if it taught me two things, it's that "Je" is pronounced "Zjuh"

"Pars" ..I've seen bits of that before. My gut yells in fury, "silent s!"

I have no way to know for sure.

My heartbeat echoing, the final sheet next door fitted, the footstep of a French Maid, and only my instinct to go on, I repeat to myself like a freaking dork, "zjuh parr, zjuh parr, zjuh parr," as I research hostels in Berlin.

My amygdala insists that Fight-or-Flight is popular in these instances. So I'm getting ready to fight a maid.

Knock-knock-knock.

I jump. I leap. Don't spook me, I'm dangerous!


I answer, a smile awaits, as do two towels in her hands. Oh it's not so bad, I think.

Then it comes. The moment I've been dreading. A string of words said so quickly that if I knew perfect French I still would be lost. It was a question. It was said in a merry way. But Paul ain't merry, he be panicking!

My gut helped me out. Thank you, gut.
"There's only one thing a maid would be asking for here. Do you want your room cleaned?" Sure, logic is sound. There seemed to be twice as many words but whatever.

"Go ahead," my gut said, "respond to her." I'm still ready to fight.

I took a chance and said, "Oui. Je Pars."

"Merci!" she exclaimed.

No fight? Aw well, maybe next time.
As I left I loved the feeling of faking that I know the language. 

I wonder how far I can get.. :)