It's strange

It's a new feeling being surrounded with people who speak another language.

I find myself at peace, since there's no pressure to talk to people. There's no expectation.
My social anxiety quirks change. The rules show themselves.

I don't feel the need to say hi because I don't know if they speak English. I'd rather say bonjour, but I'm not qualified to butcher the language, so I just walk on and smile, and nod if the feeling presents itself.

What happens is the same in America, people walk on, happy about their business, and I'm less stressed, haha. The funny thing is French people sometimes talk to me. A swimmer who wants me to take his picture. An elderly man in the street asking if I'm lost. Huh? I thought French had no patience for non-French speakers.


When you change things up, the inherent pressures you put on yourself come to light. I never knew just how strong they were. Over stupid things. Reinforced without checks and balances.


I can learn from this. About me. In ways i never could back home.

Although I like quiet observing me I want to change too.
Sometimes you gotta retreat to who you are in order to change.

Because sometimes I get really mad at myself.
Maybe I can change?